Pit and Pendulum


[trigger warning: suicidal thoughts and self harm]

I used to be weak

Days would pass when
My thoughts were tainted
By dark slender claws.
Piercing my ankles, they
Dragged me further and further
Into an abyss more formidable
Than the ocean. So deep
Was it that at times no stray
Beam of light could find
My vampiric skin.

I was alone and forgotten.

No sensation; not old
Nor hot, just dark.
There were times when I
Could take the darkness of
The Pit; times when I knew
There were worst things
Then feeling nothing, seeing nothing.
But there were also times when
The Pendulum would slow, when
I could no longer bear my silent
Agony. All I wanted was peace.

China lips are only so strong.

On those days when the Pendulum
Slowed, when the numbness consumed
All that was good in me, I tried
To seek comfort in a more
Permanent darkness.
But knives never pierced the skin,
Pills never passed my tongue,
Rope was too course and hard to find.

This I saw as weakness.

But soft, light broke through
And shown down into the Pit
Where I dwelt, revealing to me
A secret. What I had seen as weakness,
An inability to quell the fear was in fact
An ability to survive my circumstance.
Weakness didn’t stop me.

I was strong all along.


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